Be remembered for what you create

There was a time in my life where I would not articulate what I wanted or needed from people, and then would take their "inability" to provide what I wanted or needed as evidence that I was fucked up and broken.

This coalesced a lot around birthdays, especially in my 20s. I wanted to be made a fuss of, but never told anyone that yes, I would like a card, or yes, cake would be great, or yes, why don't you come over, and then I would feel lonely and isolated and sink further into dark places when there wasn't a 76-trombone parade on September 3rd.

I learned over time to state my needs and make plans. Buy a cake! Invite people over. Life is so much simpler when it's not an elaborate guessing game you're secretly making people play. And I no longer worry that I won't have a fun day on my birthday because I not only tell other people "hey come on over!" but I do things for myself too! Bonus!

This is all by way of saying I have an enormous bunch of flowers in front of me which I bought for myself for tomorrow, and they are making me so happy. Because not only are they gorgeous, and richly scented, they match the color scheme of my living room because that's what I asked for - purples, creams, and lots of greenery. And my neighbor is the florist, so it's a lovely celebration of her artistry, too.

Other happy things - a plumber has been here all day working on my downstairs bathroom. Said bathroom is literally a former coat closet - there are still coat hooks on the wall (which I should take down). My plumber's best guess is that it was changed to a tiny little toilet nook in the 60s, and that the toilet has been there since at least the 70s. There's no sink, and so for the last several years I've had a little Japanese-tank sink, where you hook it up so that the clean water coming into the toilet tank first flows through a faucet so you can wash your hands. It's neat, and it saves water, but washing your hands with ice-cold water in, say, January is not awesome. And the toilet tank is enormous - newer toilets are so much more water efficient.

So I'm having the toilet taken out and replaced with a taller, efficient model, and a tiiiiiiny little sink plumbed in. The sink is 7 inches wide and 12 inches long, and it is adorable. I'm having hot and cold water plumbed in, and the bathroom will be so much more usable as of tomorrow!

Plumber has worked super hard all day, and has so much done. All the basement work is finished, and he's finishing up the water lines before he leaves for the day. He was listened to Eminem earlier this morning, but then switched to The Andrews Sisters. He is maaaaaybe 30 years old, and was singing harmonies with 1940s hits. I am so charmed.

And lastly ( I watched Thunderbolts yesterday and adored it. Spoilers ahead )